...is what Nadine said some weeks ago. Cos she is still not able to listen to this one band. Still waiting for the right moment to finally enter their last album.
Kinda weird to me sometimes that she is so much depending to the right mood and stuff. Maybe I am way too superficial to understand those kind of things.
I feel like in a cage right now, I feel sorry for my darling cos she is feeling so sad and is almost always ill and tired/exhausted and I know I could leave to outside whenever I want but the desire to be with her is always stronger. I hate to leave her alone. I don't want to leave her behind. That is not my kind. I love her, I feel responsible for her and so I take care of her all the time. But sometimes it is a bit hard cos I want to go outside - I already spent half of my life hidden at home. Here is something else. It should be else. I want to enjoy life and I want her to enjoy it together with me as well. I should finally take her to a medical check-up and make sure that she is alright. Hopefully.
I do worry so much at the moment. About her fever, about her feelings and confusion. I'd like to know where she stands now between all her closer friends & beloved persons. I would like to know how she defines herself and about whom she defines herself.
I love to have her close hence I always force her to bed even when she is once willed to get up. So I should not complain that we spend most of our time inside our cosy appartment.
Olga and me started talking finnish in school during the break cos she is so nice to help me to improve my language skills. I am actually very satisfied with my attendance in university. I only missed 1 lesson from 2 courses at a time. What is quite good. Remember that I was not able to go there last year very often cos I also prefered to hide under the blanket.
This year I am less afraid even if time seems to flow by so fast. What is my main problem. I don't want to think about the future cos this means that I might have to deal with the opportunity that I am not able to stay. And it is really not surprising to all of you if you have got to know me and know how much I am in love with this city. This is my home. And I am not willing to leave it ever again. Not as long as there aren't other plans. ^___^ Family-plan-concerned.
I wander through the streets and every time we are taking a walk I remind myself how valuable these minutes are. Every second, every move of my eye and lid, in every direction I am looking. It passes and the bliss I feel in those moments is incredible and I am not able to transform my emotions into words. Cos every move means that time passes and I remember a message I wrote to Alina long ago, saying this:
"The time does run through my fingers, slipping away and as much as I want to enjoy, hold them - the more I am conscient about their vanity, it scares me. I want to have patience for so many things but time passes away and every single moment of waiting, seems wasted to me."
I can feel the time, running through my finger like silk and a light breeze.
Wasted time is a very big topic nowadays to me. And that every moments blurrs and fades away simply. Even while writing this, time passes where I could enjoy other simplicities of life, other little things to spend time with and fill the life with meanings.
I want to freeze in time as soon as the right point in time has come. Means when we are united.
Then I will slow down the time or even stop it. I won't let it slip through my hands ever again. Once when I'll call it "MINE".
And maybe then I will always smile of happiness like last sunday which was one of those "non-wasted" days - it was just perfect.
Kinda weird to me sometimes that she is so much depending to the right mood and stuff. Maybe I am way too superficial to understand those kind of things.
I feel like in a cage right now, I feel sorry for my darling cos she is feeling so sad and is almost always ill and tired/exhausted and I know I could leave to outside whenever I want but the desire to be with her is always stronger. I hate to leave her alone. I don't want to leave her behind. That is not my kind. I love her, I feel responsible for her and so I take care of her all the time. But sometimes it is a bit hard cos I want to go outside - I already spent half of my life hidden at home. Here is something else. It should be else. I want to enjoy life and I want her to enjoy it together with me as well. I should finally take her to a medical check-up and make sure that she is alright. Hopefully.
I do worry so much at the moment. About her fever, about her feelings and confusion. I'd like to know where she stands now between all her closer friends & beloved persons. I would like to know how she defines herself and about whom she defines herself.
I love to have her close hence I always force her to bed even when she is once willed to get up. So I should not complain that we spend most of our time inside our cosy appartment.
Olga and me started talking finnish in school during the break cos she is so nice to help me to improve my language skills. I am actually very satisfied with my attendance in university. I only missed 1 lesson from 2 courses at a time. What is quite good. Remember that I was not able to go there last year very often cos I also prefered to hide under the blanket.
This year I am less afraid even if time seems to flow by so fast. What is my main problem. I don't want to think about the future cos this means that I might have to deal with the opportunity that I am not able to stay. And it is really not surprising to all of you if you have got to know me and know how much I am in love with this city. This is my home. And I am not willing to leave it ever again. Not as long as there aren't other plans. ^___^ Family-plan-concerned.
I wander through the streets and every time we are taking a walk I remind myself how valuable these minutes are. Every second, every move of my eye and lid, in every direction I am looking. It passes and the bliss I feel in those moments is incredible and I am not able to transform my emotions into words. Cos every move means that time passes and I remember a message I wrote to Alina long ago, saying this:
"The time does run through my fingers, slipping away and as much as I want to enjoy, hold them - the more I am conscient about their vanity, it scares me. I want to have patience for so many things but time passes away and every single moment of waiting, seems wasted to me."
I can feel the time, running through my finger like silk and a light breeze.
Wasted time is a very big topic nowadays to me. And that every moments blurrs and fades away simply. Even while writing this, time passes where I could enjoy other simplicities of life, other little things to spend time with and fill the life with meanings.
I want to freeze in time as soon as the right point in time has come. Means when we are united.
Then I will slow down the time or even stop it. I won't let it slip through my hands ever again. Once when I'll call it "MINE".
And maybe then I will always smile of happiness like last sunday which was one of those "non-wasted" days - it was just perfect.
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