My mind is gone...

Kinda feels like that. I read it. I was totally excited about the idea growing so fast in my head.
I think I won't do it anyway but I really played with it. I asked cos we wanted to pay a visit there anyway. And if we're not going to Germany then, maybe then... we could go there anyway. And why not on this particular day? Why not? I mean what speaks against it. Well, yeah I know what kind of reasons but it is not like that, cos I feel like really being in need of it. Don't know why, don't know how it developed like that.
I am just pretty sure that I should do it.
I guess it won't please him either but...
I have to. It is not that I have depressions, I am not even frustrated (that is depending on someone else xD), I don't feel bad, I am not down to earth, but I still have the feeling deep inside me that I better should do it.
And it has nothing to do with love, with affection, attraction or anything deeper. I just need a kick in the ass and I know same time he is going to cheer me up. Like it has been in the past, long ago.
I would so much like to ask her but I don't dare. Also due to several reasons.

So 16th of Dec.
Maybe.
Helsinki.
Let's pretend for a second it would be possible.